Thursday, November 29

The Continued Adventures of Online Dating

Wanted: ONE normal person with a X and Y chromosome.

As the years have passed, I have made plenty of observations and I've also made plenty of mental notes: qualities I want, qualities I don't want, deal breakers, etc. Well, I have a new something to add to the list: NO STALKERS OR FREAKS!!! (why that wasn't on the list before I don't know. I think it was just kind of a given but I guess I should specify. So let it be known, I also don't want drug dealers.)

Just because I have written you 2 e-mails (count 'em, TWO) does not mean I have been "brought into your life." It simply means I've written you twice. And when you're in the hospital because of a skiing accident, why are you thinking of me? I've written you TWICE! And no, I'm not running a marathon with you next year. Why? Because you freak me out!

To quote a favorite line from a favorite friend, "Oye vay!"

Monday, November 19

"Oh no he di'int" moment of the day

Watching the American Music Awards last night, the lead singer from Duran Duran HOWLED after their performace the end of "Hungry Like the Wolf".

Loved the laser light show though, and the electric drum set. I put a hot pink scrunchie in my hair, slapped on a bracelet, laced up my LA Gears felt like I was right back in 1987.

Sunday, November 18

This Just In. . .


Even if they:

**spit up all over one of my favorite t-shirts
**HONESTLY thought the spit of a 4 and 1/2 month old all over my shirt was my own doing
**try to pump me for Top Secret Information
**grab my elbow, not once, but twice, after it's perfectly clear I had saved a life that day (aka gave blood)
**and just generally make fun of me.

Autobots - recon! (sorry, I had to do it. Hey, does that make me Optimum Prime???)

Friday, November 16

Because we really have been slacking the past couple months

We were told by the highest powers-that-be here that our little project looks great but we've been challenged to "triple our speed".

Where's Izzy Stevens when you need her?


Just one more reason to love Christmas. . .Is this not THE coolest thing EVER???

It's better that it's all sold out. I'd cry through the whole thing and then cry because I had to leave. The sentemental level on this thing for me is off the charts!

OK, that needs an explanation because outside of my immediate family no one will understand. My mom read us the Polar Express every Christmas Eve for as long as I can remember. Even though I only see the book once a year, I have most of it memorized. Then one year Lindsay and I each recieved our own bell that said we will still hear the beautiful sound of the bell, and so will others, as long as they believe. In conclusion, I kind of have a thing for The Polar Express.

Thursday, November 15

Sign of the times

I received an annoucement today in my school e-mail that next week during class there will be a campus-wide "Active Shooter drill". To make sure the teachers are doing what they're supposed to do (repeating a memorized script that herds all students away from the door & making sure we are on the ground and then putting all possible loose furniture in front front of the door & locking it) security will be making random checks 3 minutes after the buzzer goes off. If security is able to get in - the teacher is in some seriously hot, scorching water.

Hey, way to scare the crap out me for absolutely no reason at all. Do they not realize I'm housesitting by myself? I'm on edge already!

Personally, I'll take my chances with the tornados, Russians and whatever they're dropping on me or an earthquake, or fires, or a bomb from that other deranged & mentally unstable student (geez, how many things could possibly go wrong at school?! How many drills is it possible to have? It's enough to make a person scared to go to school. It's clearly a hazaard to my health - or life!)

What's next? I can't wait for the leprechaun invasion drill (quick - step on them as fast as you can) or the famous person is visiting drill (black permanent pen at the ready!) or better still, dinosaurs have come back to life and want to eat you drill. OK, you're pretty much screwed there. . .except for T-Rex. Just stay still whatever you do. They have really bad eyesight. Trust me on this one. I've seen Jurassic Park like 2000 times. And that thing is totally based on scientific fact. I know because I read Jurassic Park, the novel. Michael Crichton would never mislead me. He's an executive producer of the show ER, so he's all about getting medical details exactly right.

Wednesday, November 14

X Marks the Spot

Guess where I went today? I can't tell you. Guess where it was? I can't tell you that either. Hmmm, what can I tell you? I went to a place to pick something up. Yea. Whoope. You're on the edge of your seat, I can tell.

OK, I'll clue you in a little more so you don't "x" me out before moving on to reading the Uof O pre-game match up or reading backstage secrets of Dancing With the Stars. Today I went to the depths of Nike History or DNA as it's known on campus. (That would be the Department of Nike Archives to you non-Ponders.) This is a warehouse whose location is not only not given out to the public but it's not made known to Nike employees. With only a few exceptions. I happen to be an exception today. (wow, there's a joke in there somewhere, if only it wasn't 41 minutes away from being tomorrow, I could think of a really good one).

So I went to the unmarked door and rang the doorbell. No secret knock, handshake or password. Sorry to dissappoint. My box was waiting and off I went on my merry way (after they blindfolded and drugged me and left me at a random Hillsboro intersection.) What was in the box? Shoes and shirts from the 1970s.

Could I be a really rich person if I had sold the box's contents on E-bay? Absolutely. But would I have been sued and taken to the clearner for all I'm worth? Absolutely. Will I ever give up the location of every original Nike that's ever been made in every color? For the right price. Laura, are you saying you could be bought. Yep, that's what I'm saying. I may not have 8 kids to feed but I do have PCC tuition bills and a caffiene habit to support.

In related news, in a strange twist of irony, I may be working at Old Navy over Christmas while we go "dim - not dark" for 2 weeks.

In unrelated news, Mama and Papa were local celebrities tonight. . .and Laura's middle school pictures did not end up in the background.

"Oh no he di-int" moment of the day

Driving down 217 tonight, the beat up, brown, late 80s Honda Accord beared this license plate:


I didn't catch a glimpse of the guy but would it be safe to assume this person was still single?

Tuesday, November 13

This is me. Right now.

Actually, I think I may have less hair than this dude. Let's hear it for Life!!! YEA!!!
On the bright note, I did converse with a squirrel today. Now before you go calling the men in the white jackets, in my defense, he talked/squwaked/yelled at me first. He probably wanted to get his fingers on the 9 burritos/salads/tacos from Chipotle I was carrying.

Tuesday, November 6

Random musings from today. . .

**Why am I convinced I have SAD if it hasn't rained in 2 weeks?
**Why was a great blue heron on the grassy knoll at the Hwy 99 exit of 217 this morning making noises that was louder than the traffic?
**Why does growing out your bangs have to be such a long, annoying process?
**Why, when I go to bed at night, do I assume I'll make a lunch in the morning when I've only done it twice before in my life?
**Why do I pack my gym bag and assume I'll go to Bally's after class or lab when I've only done it once in my life?
**Why is Diet Pepsi so much better than Diet Coke?
**Why have I had 2 things on my "to do" list for 5 days and I haven't done either?
**When in the next 17 days will I have 100 hours or so to brush up on my Frisbee Golf skills?
**Why is Hazelnut Coffeemate so much stronger & tastier in the smaller bottle than the large bottle?
**Why did Chris Harrison not alert Brad the Bachelor & the Bachelorettes that there was only one more rose last night?
**Why do I subject myself to watching the Bachelor each week?
**Why am I publicly admitting that I regularly watch the Bachelor?
**How many days until Christmas vacation???

Saturday, November 3

Things I learned at a 12-year-old's memorial service

"[God] will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mouring or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!'" Revelation 21:4-5

**Never underestimate the impact you can have on a person.
**Never underestimate the impact you can have on the world.
**Your day-to-day life, not extravagant acts, may be the greatest impact.
**I'm not the only one who insists poems must rhyme.
**There is never a day when you can't smile.
**God is worthy of praise and trust everyday.
**Many times, kids really are wiser than adults.
**No matter what you look like, the people who love you will always think you're beautiful.
**Ice cream and soda are best enjoyed in large quantities.
**Amazing Grace, when sung a capella, is the most beautiful sound in the world.

"It [Heaven] had a great, high wall with twelve gates, and with twelve angels at the gates. . .The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. . .The twelve gates were twelve pearls. . .the great street of the city was of pure gold. . .On no day will its gates ever be shut. . .Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life." - Revelation 21:12, 18, 21, 25, 27

Friday, November 2

Steven Curtis Chapman concert

Last night was the Steven Curtis Chapman concert at RHCC, featuring Bethany Dillon & Sanctus Real (who are not hot at all. No, not even a little bit. Usually I drool when I see people who are unattractive & I drooled a lot last night. The lead singer is so unappealing that I had to do an actual double take when I passed him in the parking lot. Honesty check - I thought it was Jeremy Camp. Another unattractive speciman that turns me into a Pavlovian dog.) Let's see if it passed the limus test for a good concert. Measurements are taken as soon as the main act has left the stage & the lights come on and the euphoria of a musical high is still upon you:

Ringing of the ears: What?! I can't hear you! CHECK.
Pitted shirt: Nope. Wait a sec. . .yes, I think a little bit. CHECK. (This would have been a definite 'no' except that I jumped for the last 10 minutes of the concert to 2 songs that physically can NOT be sung while standing still.
Loss of voice: Unable to confirm at this point. I still can't hear anything.

There were several things I kept thinking all the way through the concert: Who knew that SCC could rock? His songs are so nice to hum along with on the radio but dang it if he wasn't hopping around the stage with his electric guitar. (OK, hopping probably isn't the right word. I'm sure there's a technical musicial term to describe the moving around on stage on 2 feet and I'm sure the prefix changes depending what instrument you're currently holding, if any.) Of course, I'm sure he's influenced by his 18-year-old son on guitar & back-up vocals and 16-year-old son on drums. (For the record, they rocked too. Not a bad gig - being on tour with your dad and brother DURING THE SCHOOL YEAR).

The other thing I kept thinking was: OH, I didn't know he sang this song! I love this song! This is a fairly regular revelation that I have at concerts. I don't know who I think sings all these songs. They can't all be one-hit wonders can they? And you would think I could recognize voices of people whose CD's I have, right? I'm chalking it up to my ADD while listening to the radio - if I hear a DJ's voice, I usually change the station, thus missing the announcement of who just sang the song I was singing along with.

He also sang several new songs from his new CD. . .oh, excuse me. . .album that's coming out soon. I usually hate when artists do this during a concert because I want to be able to sing along with the oldies but goodies. But oh my goodness, I'm pretty sure I'm buying it today. One of the new songs performed last night was called "Cinderella" and will be the 'Father/Daughter' dance at my wedding. It's 'Butterfly Kisses' meets 'Dance With My Father'. . .except better. And in case you're wondering, yes, yes I did. Through the whole song.

I really wanted to hear/jump to/sing along with the song "Dive" and I started getting really worried because he hadn't sung it and you knew that the concert was headed toward the end. Turns out, "Dive" was the finale! woo-hoo! Because anything after that would have just been downhill. Looks like SCC is a pretty smart guy. Save the best for last. Not only is this great on the radio, it's also been done in the Treehouse so I love it even more. Yes, I did jump, and that is how I was able to check #2 off my list up above.

Now there's only 6 weeks left until the Mother Concert!!! Yea Mindo Doo!

Thursday, November 1

Online suitor who e-mailed me but has a better chance of walking into a room and meeting Elvis & Puff the Magic Dragon than a date with me - take 2

Stats: 35-year-old man
Job status: see below
He seeks: 20-40-year-old women
Picture: taken with SpongeBob & Patrick and fanny pack as a personal accessory
Just happens to: work at my work. . .as a part time produce deliverer