Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200.

A couple nights ago, I saw a television ad that could have fallen under the category of "shock and awe". I sat there, jaw dropped, unable to speak. When I finally remembered I had vocal cords, I still couldn't create whole sentences; they were more like noises and incoherant babblings. They sounded like, "ahhhhh" and "huuuuh" and "boooooooooo". OK, I did manage to squeak one word out that could be found in the dictionary. Except mine had way more "O's" at the end than Mr. Samuel Johnson ever intended it to have.


Before I tell you what my eyes were subjected to, a little background. I hate change. Hate it. Just when you get in the groove of something, it goes and changes itself. (Yes, I am a big fan of the book Who Moved My Cheese. I almost bought it at the Atlanta airport when I knew I needed a refresher course. But the penny-pincher in me beat up the change-hater in me, so I checked it out from the library when I got home.) I'm also a fan of tradtion. A bride should not see the groom before the wedding. Pizza should be eaten on Saturday nights. The Blazers should not reach the playoffs. Orange Fruit Loops should be eaten last.

Which brings me to the ad that has me in a tizzy, the all new board game: Electronic Monopoly! No more money! Visa logos! Batteries not included! What kind of crap is this?? And don't even get me started on the new playing pieces. Monopoly. . .without paper money?? Are you kidding me?? What's wrong with paper money? Yeah, it does help kids with math. Yeah, it is more fun when your stacks are visibly higher than those of your friends. What is it now: I have a bigger total number than you? whoopee! I would never turn in my $100 dollar bills because they were made on a different kind of paper (shinier & smoother) than the other denomonations. I never turned them in for $500's. This way I could psych my sister out and make her think I had more money simply because I had more bills. I love how they're all so organized under your side of the board at the beginning and mixed up as all get-out by the time the game was over 13 hours later. I know we use debit cards more and more and I realize that cash is being used less and less. But I spend 8 hours a day looking at a computer, then I may watch TV at home. Do I really want to play a board game that has me pressing buttons and looking at screens? The correct answer is no. I can just picture my kids playing this game and asking me to reminisce about the days when Monopoly had money, poker was played with actual cards, not on the internet and when I stopped being cool in general (1993, FYI).

I learned today that I am an old fuddy-duddy.